Of all the human emotions we experience, anger is often the least understood and most painful. Anything can trigger anger, but feeling angry can be uncomfortable. Some people struggle to manage their anger and they project it inward or project it outward by hurting either themselves or others. Other people try to suppress or avoid their anger, which can result in people-pleasing tendencies or strong patterns of denial. Sometimes, anger is a secondary emotion experienced as an emotional response to other feelings.
Understanding Primary and Secondary Emotions
Primary emotions are defined as the most basic emotions we experience. They are immediate responses that are universal in nature and felt by everyone. Some people argue that anger is a primary emotion, along with feeling fear, joy, dread, and disgust.
Secondary emotions refer to emotions that arise in response to primary emotions. These emotions are more complex and may include a mixture of several emotions. For example, someone might feel angry in response to experiencing a combination of jealousy, powerlessness, and fear.
Some mental health experts use the term 'anger iceberg' to describe the layers of emotions that exist underneath anger. Like an iceberg, you may only feel aware of a small part of your full emotions. But underneath the surface lies deeper, hidden emotions that may feel vulnerable to address.
What Do You Feel Underneath Your Anger?
The idea of anger as a secondary emotion underlies the concept that anger is a response to other underlying causes. When people receive anger management, they are often encouraged to consider their anger as a protective response to other feelings or learned responses.
Learning how to identify your emotions can help you better understand your emotional patterns. Here are some common feelings that often coincide with anger:
Powerlessness: Powerlessness refers to a state of perceived helplessness about a given situation. While, at times, this can be comforting, it can also be quite distressing, especially if that situation is causing you problems.
Fear: Sometimes people think they feel angry when really they feel afraid. The main difference between anger and fear is that anger often motivates people to act, whereas fear can cause people to panic or freeze.
Jealousy: Jealousy refers to feeling threatened about losing something. Someone might get jealous when another person flirts with their partner, and that jealousy can trigger a sense of both fear and helplessness, which may emerge as anger.
Sadness: It's also common for people to conflate sadness with anger, as both can coincide and exacerbate one another. Men, in particular, might find it too vulnerable to sit with sadness, so they react to that hurt with frustration.
Shame: Shame is one of the deepest emotions. It's an internalized sense of being immoral or bad. Because feeling vulnerable with shame is so painful, it's easy for people to quickly turn to other emotions like anger to feel steadier.
The Importance of Anger
Whether you consider anger to be a primary response or a secondary one, all emotional responses are valid. Anger often speaks to an awareness of unmet needs.
Sometimes anger is experienced as a means of self-protection. If, for instance, you feel disrespected, you might experience anger in response to wanting to take care of yourself. This response is rooted in our survival, and it can be beneficial for gaining a sense of self-control and protecting both your relationships and boundaries.
Anger can also be a catalyst for systemic change. When people harness their anger adaptively, they may feel motivated to take action, and that can transcend into social justice efforts and standing up for important causes.
Anger can also show us what matters. For example, if you feel angry toward another child who was mean to your own, that speaks to the level of care you have for your family. You want to protect what you love. With that, gaining insight into your values may help you gain better clarity into these anger triggers.
Finally, getting in touch with your anger can help you recognize areas in your life where you may need to make some improvements. For example, if you frequently feel anger toward your partner, that might indicate you both need to practice healthier communication. Or, if you get angry while sitting in traffic, that may indicate that you need to consider implementing more mindfulness in your daily life.
Coping with Anger and Improving Your Anger Response
Learning how to identify and express anger is an essential part of managing your emotional well-being. If you experience mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or PTSD, you may have a complicated relationship with anger.
At Resurface Group, we help people strengthen their emotional awareness by understanding their triggers and practicing new ways to cope with their emotions. Anger is a powerful emotion, but anger issues can unquestionably impact the quality of your life.
We are here to support you on your recovery journey. Contact us today to learn more about our dynamic programs, including our comprehensive virtual IOP.