Self-Compassion Vs Self-Indulgence: Understanding the Differences

Because self-care and mental health awareness have become increasingly popular in recent years, it's easy to overlook the genuine value of certain buzzwords, such as self-compassion. Many people wrongfully believe practicing self-compassion means letting themselves off the hook for unwanted behaviors.

But at its core, self-compassion simply means treating yourself with the same kindness you aim to give others. When you lean into self-compassion, you also embrace more self-acceptance- these two concepts can help you change unwanted habits and feel more aligned in your life.

Understanding the Core Components of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion refers to deliberately engaging in self-kindness and grace during a difficult time. In simple terms, you strive to treat yourself the same way you'd take care of a close friend.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion, has identified these key tenets:

Self-compassion vs. self-judgment: The idea here is that you strive to embrace mindful self-compassion instead of self-criticism or shame spirals when life gets hard. If you're prone to having a strong inner critic, this often means changing the way you talk about yourself and to yourself.

Common humanity vs. isolation: Self-compassionate people recognize that all human beings suffer to some extent. This is part of the collective human experience. With that, you're not failing just because you're having a hard time, and everyone is vulnerable to negative emotions and adversity.

Mindfulness vs. over-identification: You can embrace more self-compassion by choosing to observe your thoughts and words more intentionally rather than engaging in self-pity. For example, you might say, "I'm really struggling with my depression right now. This is very hard," instead of saying, "I'm never going to get better. Every time I feel this way, I self-destruct."

Why Self-Indulgence Rarely Coexists with Self-Compassion

In many cases, there's nothing wrong with indulging in what makes you feel good from time to time. However, it's important to remember that indulgence is a form of instant gratification. It helps you feel good in the present moment, but if that's the main coping skill, it can perpetuate themes of regret, self-blame, loneliness, and other mental health problems. Therefore, it actually counteracts the many benefits of self-compassion.

If you struggle to discern the difference, ask yourself what your intention is before making a decision. For example, let's say you want to avoid your chores to watch TV after a long day of work. You're tired, and you don't feel like doing the dishes or laundry.

If the intent is to simply escape your discomfort and enjoy some short-term pleasure, you're probably self-indulging. If the intent is to genuinely rest and take care of yourself because you work hard and don't typically neglect your housework, you may be engaging in self-compassion.

Self-care isn't always about choosing the activity that feels best: Self-care sometimes gets conflated with distraction or avoidance. But genuine self-care means taking care of both present and future you. At times, that does mean doing the dishes today because you know that you're working overtime tomorrow.

Self-compassionate people hold themselves accountable: Self-compassion entails a sense of honesty. Genuine self-compassion doesn't enable problematic behavior- instead, it's about understanding its function and focusing on small steps toward improvement. If you are self-compassionate, you aim to make amends and commit to growth and change.

Self-compassion enables you to counteract shame: People often try to will themselves to change by shaming their behavior or core self. However, these tactics are rarely effective in the long run. Instead, you start engaging in all these other behaviors (isolating yourself, substance use, people-pleasing tendencies) to counteract your shame. Self-compassion promotes positive feedback, seeking support, and being gentle- these provide major benefits toward your overall well-being.

Self-compassionate people may have better self-esteem: People with high self-esteem naturally tend to be kinder to themselves. They know their inherent self-worth and permit themselves to feel both their negative and positive feelings. People with low self-esteem, on the other hand, are more prone to harsh self-criticism and patterns of self-sabotage. Because they often lack self-confidence, they also struggle to effectively cope with life stressors. This creates a vicious cycle- when things get hard, they may react in ways they later regret.

Building Healthy Self-Esteem and Practicing Self-Compassion at Resurface Group

At Resuface Group, we extend compassion and support to those experiencing substance use disorders and mental health concerns. We understand the interplay between low self-esteem and psychological well-being, and we are here to help you lean into your full potential. We treat a variety of mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, substance use disorders, and more.

Contact us today to learn more about our dynamic programs.