Letting Go of Control: 7 Intentions to Help You Feel More Free

We all know that control is an illusion. You might think you have control over a certain outcome, but life doesn't always go according to plan, and trying to control things that can't be controlled often results in more anxiety, frustration, and resentment.

That said, although letting go of control feels liberating, it's also challenging. Here are some intentions that can help you embody this mindset in a more grounded way.

Trust Your Desire for Control Comes From a Good Place

This intention is important because it's helpful to frame that any attempt to control a certain situation is often directly rooted in safety. The temptation of control can temporarily reduce negative emotions of fear or shame. Therefore, it can be useful to look at these patterns as self-protective; your mind and body are invested in your well-being, and they're doing their best to ensure that something terrible doesn't happen.

Name What You Can't Control

Trying to control the uncontrollable can sometimes become its own compulsion. However, it takes energy, and it often keeps the body in a perpetual state of fight-or-flight. The next time you find yourself trying to control a particular situation, make a mental list. Identify what you can control (your actions or attitude, for example), and then identify what you can't control (a specific outcome, others' reactions, past circumstances).

Identify Your Emotions Gently

Control can also emerge from patterns of overthinking or a deep desire to predict the future. Naming emotions helps you understand the underlying fears, insecurities, or unmet needs that might be coinciding with current stressors. As you identify your emotions, try to embrace holding a sense of self-compassion. There's nothing wrong with how you feel, and you're allowed to be scared or angry about a certain situation.

Tell Yourself You Know How to Embrace Uncertainty

Our thoughts are so powerful, especially the ones that live just beneath our consciousness. Sometimes it's helpful to affirm that you can and will rise up to any uncertain circumstances. You know how to hold onto hope and trust that things will work out. You can trust the process of life unfolding in the ways it will. You can also trust yourself in the sense that you will know how to find your intuition and support to guide you if things become challenging.

Reframe Having Intentions Over Expectations

One of the best ways to learn how to let go of control is to embrace your intentions for the future. For example, instead of saying, "I need to get a job by next week," an intention would be, "I'm going to apply to at least ten open positions by the end of this week and then follow up with my mentor later tonight." This mindset focuses on harnessing your part, which can keep you more grounded in reality.

Ask Yourself What Three Things You Can Release Right Now

Learning how to surrender is an ongoing process that requires deliberately allowing things to "just be." Embracing the art of releasing reduces unnecessary stress in your life, and it can help you feel more connected to what's happening in the present moment. The next time you find yourself feeling particularly overwhelmed, try this exercise. Write down your answers to make it more tangible. If you struggle with it, that means it's especially important.

Trust That Delegation Protects You

Many people who struggle with control also struggle to trust others. They like things done in their own way. The flip side is that this mindset can run you dry- you may become resentful or jealous toward others (for not pulling their weight) or overwhelmed by all the responsibilities you need to manage. Lead with trust with your loved ones. Surrender to believing that, no matter what, you are a social being, and you are allowed to rely on others to help and support you. Even if you feel afraid, it's important to practice collaborating with others and letting them in. You'll soon find how much easier it is to get things done. If trusting others feels impossible right now, consider leaning into the concept of spirituality or having a higher power- this is its own sense of delegation and can offer a much-needed reminder of peace.

Letting Go of Control and Accessing More Joy and Meaning With Resurface Group

It's only human to desire control, and it makes sense to want things to go according to plan. But if you notice yourself becoming excessively anxious or depressed when things don't go the way you want, your quality of life will certainly suffer.

As you start letting go of control, you realize that the key to happiness and freedom really does lie in loosening your grip. However, it does take practice, and it's normal to worry that "not trying to control" might mean something bad could happen.

At Resurface Group, we are here to help you take that first step and the many steps after that. We treat a variety of mental health concerns, including depression, anxiety, substance use disorders, and relationship difficulties.

Please contact us today to learn more!