Understanding and Healing From Betrayal Trauma

nicolemarzt
Oct 10
4 min read

Betrayal trauma occurs when someone you deeply trust violates that trust in such a way that it fundamentally impacts your sense of safety. More than just the act of betrayal itself, this kind of experience affects how secure you feel in other relationships and within yourself.

Whether the betrayal stems from emotional abuse, sexual assault, infidelity, financial dishonesty, or other forms of secrecy, the aftermath can feel both devastating and disorienting. Many people struggle with feeling unstable or hypervigilant, and if this is the case for you, it's important to remember that healing is still possible.

What Is Betrayal Trauma?

At its core, betrayal trauma is a type of emotional injury that happens specifically within an attachment system. Someone who was supposed to nurture or protect you (either in your adult or child life) failed to uphold their role.

This kind of trauma can be particularly vulnerable due to how it impacts the brain. The betrayer can still be a source of safety and now a source of danger or threat. It can feel impossible to reconcile the version of the person you thought you knew coupled with the reality of their actions. Betrayal trauma can be apparent or insidious, and its symptoms can also result in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Betrayal Trauma Symptoms

If you have experienced betrayal trauma, you may have emotional or physical symptoms that resonate with other types of trauma. Some symptoms might be quite obvious, but others can be more covert.

Some of the common symptoms of betrayal trauma include:

intense emotions of grief, shock, anger, or sadness
self-blame or an internal sense of shame that you "let your guard down" or "were naive"
difficulty trusting others or inconsistent attachment behavior (themes of clinginess with withdrawal)
dissociative symptoms (difficulty staying present or connected to yourself)
escape-based coping strategies like substance use, overeating, gambling, or compulsive shopping
continuous rumination about the traumatic events or the relationship itself
chronic hypervigilance and feeling unsafe
questioning your own memories or emotional responses
oscillating between themes of denial and hyper-awareness

How to Heal From Betrayal Trauma

Genuinely healing from traumatic experiences often requires multifaceted approaches that allow you to rebuild an internal sense of safety. This recovery process takes time, self-compassion, and often professional support. Here are some steps to consider:

Acknowledge the Full Extent of Your Impact

It is natural to minimize or rationalize the betrayal to protect yourself from overwhelming emotions. True healing, however, honors naming the experiences for what they were. This allows you to truly feel the gravity of your emotional distress. Although those feelings may seem too intense, suppressing or ignoring them only prolongs the suffering. By naming and feeling what you encountered, you give yourself a chance to organically move through your healing process.

Anticipate Your Trauma Triggers

Traumatic stress triggers are not good or bad or right or wrong. However, they do exist, and they can feel debilitating. If you already know which types of situations activate you, that's a good thing. You can prepare for them ahead of time and consider which coping skills and grounding techniques you can lean on to support your emotion regulation.

Reconsider Your Boundaries

If you still have a relationship with the person who betrayed you, you will need to reassess your limits. Boundaries protect your own integrity and allow you to maintain a sense of protection from triggering situations. These limits can come in many forms, but it's most important to focus on what you sense you need to feel safe. This may include avoiding certain types of interactions or requiring more physical distance.

Seek Support (Even If You Can't Trust It)

The emotional impact of betrayal trauma makes it hard to trust others. Unfortunately, because trauma lives in isolation, reinforcing withdrawal can make the symptoms even worse. True healing often requires some form of safe connection. This doesn't mean you have to trust someone fully, but it's a good idea to consider if you feel comfortable opening up to any friends or family, or whether you might benefit from support groups or therapy.

Strengthen Your Self-Compassion

Betrayal trauma can unearth layers of other traumatic events, including childhood trauma or trauma in other romantic relationships. This is because any traumatic event can trigger older feelings of abandonment, rejection, or hypervigilance. Self-compassion means treating yourself and tuning into your emotional health gently. Validate your emotions and honor your own pacing. When the inner critic shows up, remind yourself of your worth and your capacity to heal.

Treatment for Psychological Trauma and Other Mental Health Issues at Resurface Group

At Resurface Group, we recognize that betrayal trauma can profoundly disrupt your sense of self and connection to others. Healing entails deeper emotional processing and compassionate support from professionals who understand the nuanced interplay between trauma symptoms and attachment dynamics.

Our trauma-focused treatment incorporates evidence-based therapies and relational support to rebuild your well-being and reestablish a greater sense of emotional safety. You don't have to carry the weight of your trauma alone.